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Common sense

The book assumes the reader is a man who dates too many women (and is a little phobic of commitment and of getting to know a woman in a more profound way.)
If you are not the kind of person who dates someone new every other week, then this book is not meant for you.

This is an extraordinary book written with candor, an open mind and an open heart. I wish it was still in print as it helped me a lot throughout my journey of self-discovery. The book resonated with me and some of my experiences. I also gave it as a present to friends who appreciated it as well.

The book is quite good and entertaining and in a perfect world, the ideas would be well taken. But I think Shmuley Boteach has omitted discussing the elephant in the room in this book. Many men are reluctant to get married because too many women drive their husband to divorce. And then the men have to, in most instances, pay for it. Many men are left financially ruined because of the nature of divorce settlements. Divorces are too easy and the laws favour women in most if not all cases. And prenups still result in the women ending up in a very favourable situation. This is why many men are afraid to commit and Boteach did not go near this topic.

The feeling of not being able to fall in love, is a common thing in contemporary societies - not to mention the many cases of where people 'force' themselves to fall in love, only to realize later on that the feeling of real love was not there. So many people today turn to counselling, to friends, or others, seeking advice from people and from books - from the classics to the new. Few would ever dream of seeking advice on this issue from a Hasidic rabbi. Yet, once again the unparalleled and unrivalled Shmuel Boteach, probably the world's most dynamic orthodox rabbi, offers the world his insights on this topic. In a style that is at the same time thoughtful and entertaining, deep yet easy-to-read and enjoyable, Boteach's book is a whole fantastic experience of inner-self discovery for the reader. It explores issues of crucial concern, suggesting answers and solutions, yet without imposing the reader's view. Shmuel Boteach's books on love and relationships, will very likely be down in history along those of Voltaire and Simone de Beauvoir. And at the age of 36, this is probably just the beginning for the Voltaire of the XXI century, Shmuel Boteach.

The thing to love about Shmuley Boteach's, "Why Can't I Fall in Love" is that it is a compilation of everything we've always thought about present day relationships/dating but never was able to put into words. Not writing just about what's wrong, Boteach provides realistic, sensable solutions to the issues that plague today's love-starved twenty- and thirty-somethings.
It is, in my opinion, a brutally truthful look at how we pursue relationships today in a world where so many men and women are literally looking for what they THINK is love, in all the wrong places, with usually warped and/or confused intentions. Boteach challenges his reader to examine and understand his or her own motivations and behaviours that lend to relationship/dating failures. He also prompts the reader to delve deep inside himself/herself to ask the question, "what kind of love do I need/want in my life?"
This book will be especially welcomed by Jewish singles, as he provides many supportive points that are derived from Judaism and Western religious history-- although he is definitely NOT preaching, just adding context that is relevant to understanding some presumed origins of human behavior.
My only criticism of this book is that Boteach skews his material more towards women than men -- which is unfortunate since, unlike most women, many men may feel more comfortable reading about how to understand/rectify their own personal relationship issues than talking about it with their male friends.

Author Shmuley Boteach creates a much needed and long overdue "user friendly" guide for singles caught in the often frustrating and unpredictable maelstrom known as the dating world.
By extending compassion and offering tools for honest self-examination, Boteach takes the reader on a witty and yet serious journey into the necessary introspection required for every single who is serious about finding a soul mate. The author is never stuffy or preachy but always extremely down to earth. Clearly an amazingly experienced and reputed relationship expert, Boteach writes confidently, with a distinctive and deserved authority. Without apology, he brazenly addresses the issues at hand, incorporating a no nonsense approach, going straight to the heart of the dating matter. He evidently has an uncanny understanding of the pitfalls associated with dating as mere sport and how many singles unconsciously get caught in a cycle of self-pity leading to inevitable self-defeat.
Being single myself and considering the observably downtrodden and discouraged state of many of my single contemporaries, I found this book to be extremely practical and generously offering surprisingly sound advice rather than just expounding upon the lamenting title, "Why Can't I Fall in Love?" In purchasing this book, I was at first rather tentative. The title deceptively fooled me into believing that it was a book in which I would find my self diagnosed among those singles now labeled as, "helpless and hopeless." Much to the contrary, I have come away with a book which I am now reading for the second time, wanting to further absorb it's remarkable tenets. Many other singles have shared with me their using, "Why Can't I Fall in Love?" as a reference guide for deciphering the baffling world of their emotions as single men and women.
Considering the self-admitted, quasi-closet-dysfunctional state of many singles, the book is ingeniously written in classic, "Twelve Step" format. Once the challenging quizzes throughout and adventurous exercises are completed, poor and addictive dating habits are no longer viable and productive healing is offered as in any other "Twelve Step Program." The reader is now able to understand common dating myths and albeit reluctantly, also identify with the hidden fears which plague many singles. Through this thought-training process, Boteach paradoxically creates a greater vulnerability in the heart of a single person as he prepares them for big event, the pursuit of real love.
"Why Can't I Fall in Love" is similar to Boteach's previous and not surprisingly, bestseller, "Kosher Sex." Both works reflect Boteach's profound commitment to romantic love as key to reaching the highest state of human happiness. The difference in these two works is that this new manual for finding love will appeal to a much larger reading audience as it is comprised of the rising numbers of those marrying later and those suddenly divorced and finding themselves back in the field. My only critique is that this book should have anteceded "Kosher Sex" in laying the groundwork for the foundations of the ultimate goal which is of course, unbreakable monogamy.
Despite the change in the dating scene in the past few decades, the author addresses those very dynamics, all the while maintaining the fundamental principles of dating and marriage, thus preventing the book itself from ever becoming "dated." With Boteach's gift of storytelling and matchless wit, the reader becomes so relaxed that they suddenly feel as if they are in private and on going counseling sessions, being given free of charge.
Boteach has saved the day here for wayward singles. "Why Can't I Fall in Love?" offers a map to navigate the fearful and unchartered course towards finding a soul mate. Boteach's merciless call to honesty, challenges even the most hardened skeptic about the deep and abiding human need for romantic love. The value of his insights for lonely and searching singles cannot be overstated.
To say that this book is a "must have" for every single is rather cliche' and yet "mandatory" is even more apropos. "Why Can't I Fall in Love?, A 12-step program, is truly an invaluable tool for healing, survival and ultimately prospering, in the quest for true love.